Grace

What is Grace?

A few months ago I had the pleasure of going to a friends wedding in Michigan. I was traveling on my own to this wedding, and didn't know who I would be sitting next to for the next 3 hours or if I would even take the opportunity to talk to this person.
I packed the book, "Jesus Is ___" by Judah Smith. If you don't know who this guy is, you need to check him out. He is an amazing speaker, pastor, and author.
I was only 3 chapters into this book, so a plane ride alone sounded like the perfect time to dig in!

I arrive to Tampa International Airport, board the plane, and find my seat. At first glance, my seat partner was a gentleman who looked to be in his late twenties, cool style, I was thinking musician, or artist… my kind of person. I said hi, but continued to pull out my headphones and closed up to focus on myself. It was too early for a nap, so I also pulled out my book, "Jesus Is."

Once we were in the air, my seat mate brought out a journal, and little jars of water color, and then a pen and paint brushes… I thought to myself, is this guy really about to paint on the plane?! Really?!?!
Yes my friend, he painted, nearly the whole flight! I pegged it on the head! He was an artist!

I got back on track, and sucked into my book! I couldn't help but get into the words that were practically melting off the page! I just kept underlining things that jumped out at me. Finally I get to the chapter called, "Jesus is Grace" that is right when the flight attendant came around, asking for our drink orders. I put my book down to get a water, and the gentleman sitting next to me looks over at me and says "So what is Grace?"

First of all, I was completely thrown off by this question… I was thinking, "did this guy see what I was reading? Is he making fun of me? What the heck? How do I even answer that?!"

*Okay, I know you are reading this going, "psh, I could answer that! Grace is…" and you are probably spouting off your answer in your head right now! Im sure!*
Well try to answer that question when a complete stranger asks you. Try to answer that when you want to be the best representation of Christ to another human being… its not easy!

I looked at him, shocked… and all I could say is, "Well, thats funny that you ask that! Im just about to start a chapter on grace…"
Hoping and praying that would be enough of an answer for him, so he would leave me alone… and I could unscramble my thoughts to find a legitimate answer…

He looked at me again, and said "No really, what is grace to you?"
Trying to seem calm I answered, "well, Jesus Is Grace to me. He gave his life so I could attain grace, so I could live in grace… I…. I don't really know how else to explain it. Its unexplainable! But that is just what I think!… Wait… what is grace to you?"

I still had no idea if this guy was making fun of me or what he believed in, but he agreed with me. He kinda chuckled and explained that he knew of Judah Smith, and I learned that this new friend of mine, travels, preaches, and paints as he is speaking to crowds. His name is Will.

The rest of the flight we got to know each other, and had a deep conversation about our faith, life, and what grace was to us.
Once we landed, Will looked at me, and said "Hey, keep thinking about what grace is to you… and let me know what you come up with!"

I has been months since that flight… and still to this day I ask myself what is grace?

Here are a few random thoughts about grace, that are only a small part of a very large gift, that none of us deserve… but we are given grace on a daily basis, even when we don't know we have it.

"Grace is something I am allotted every single day. Something I don't deserve, Something that was bought for me at a very high price.

Grace is so simple that we have a hard time believing it could be true. But Im convinced that unless its too good to be true, its not grace.

Grace is free because it wasn't free for him.

Hope for a needy world = grace.

You can meet Jesus, he is the personification of grace.

Grace is missing an opportunity and being given another one.

Grace is internal. It works in a heart level. Where rules force us to do the opposite of what we want, grace actually changes what we want, it creates consistency and integrity. Doing what is right becomes much easier because of grace."

Grace is having a relationship with someones heart. Not their behaviors.

Grace encompasses more than I can explain with words… it is a love, it is an expression, it is forgiveness, it is a lifestyle, it is unexplainable, it is Jesus.

The art created in the middle of our convo about grace. By Will Rosenberg

I never imagined that one plane flight would bring up one question that I would be talking about months later.

On my flight back to Tampa from Travers City, I just laughed and thought there is no way I am going to ever have a flight like I did on the way here!

I was right, it was a totally different flight, with totally different people… But God still spoke to me on levels that I had never experienced before.

I had the opportunity to sit next to a beautiful lady, Melanie. I once again opened my book, "Jesus Is." This time I was almost done with the book! WOOHOO!
I was on a chapter that at the top of the page it said "The Good News"
She looked over at the lady on the other side of her and started talking about what she was reading… and then she turned to me and asked "So you're reading about news? are you in journalism?" and I said "Actually no, Im reading about how Jesus is the good news. How he died to give me grace, so I can live a life without fear, so I can wake up free everyday!"

I had no idea what that statement was about to bring up, but Melanie ended up sharing her story. She told me how she grew up in organized religion, and how her parents kicked her out, how she does not want to ever pressure her son into believing anything specific. I just kept praying over her every chance I got to on that flight.
Let me tell you, I love this lady! She is so stinkin cool! She has a hand blown glass company, and she is incredibly talented!
As the plane landed, I had this gut feeling to just give her my book. In my head I said "No way!!! This lady is going to hate me. She will never read this, She doesn't care to read about something that she has been burned by. Plus I only have one chapter left! I have underlined all this stuff… I need to keep this. Maybe I will send one to her!" and as soon as I talked myself out of giving the book to her, I felt another tug on my heart. I knew I had to give her this book!

Once I swallowed my pride, I was ready. I knew if I didn't do it then, I could possibly never see her again. I knew even if she didn't read the book now, that I could at least show her that I valued her. I valued our new friendship, and maybe she will keep it on her shelf and one day pick it up!
I awkwardly gave her my book, and insisted that she take it! She accepted my gift, and we parted our ways.
Melanie's story is amazing, but it is far from over.


That day, I saw grace in action. I experienced it in a new way. I was a vessel of grace. I knew God was using me. I didn't know how to communicate, but he gave me the words… because of grace.

Im still to this day pondering what Grace is... fully…
So, What do you think?
What is Grace?

Equipping the Called...

You know when there is something wrong… and you feel it in your heart but you cant quite put your finger on it? For about a month now I have kinda been avoiding people, talking, and in specific I kept pushing away the opportunity to lead worship.

If you are unaware, I have lead worship at my home church since I was in 5^th grade! All through out middle school, high school and college. For a while there I was leading every Sunday! This is truly a major part of my life. I have tried to “lead worship” in all aspects of my life… I believe that leading on stage is only a part of the job. It is being able to lead a life that points to God at all times, and gives his name the glory. When I am on stage, or even helping backstage… my heart is in leading people to the throne room of Jesus. I want God to use me to be a door holder. I want to open the door for his people to be able to connect with him on a whole new level. This has always been my goal, and I can say it truly makes my heart happy to help create an environment of worship.

So for the past four weeks, I have turned down the opportunity to lead on stage at church. Not once… but multiple times. I knew something was wrong… but I didn’t quite know what. I just kept telling myself “Just give yourself some time to recover after Miss Florida.”

For those of you who are reading this, who dont understand pageant land…. Its not as simple as just competing then jumping right back into real life. I had dedicated SO much time to my preparations for Miss Florida… that I was physically, and mentally exhausted. I was at a voice lesson every week… sometimes twice a week… trying to improve my skill, and my talent.

The talent portion of the Miss Florida pageant is 35% of our score… so I really wanted to do my absolute best!

I never have loved to listen to my voice…. But lets be honest… who actually likes to hear themselves?...

I have been around SO many talented musicians, and vocalists, and I knew I wasn’t up to their caliber… but I knew God gave me a voice, and a passion for a reason! That’s exactly why I started singing… But the past three years I have been struggling with confidence in my voice.

Through a few pageants I have been told 

“Chloe its okay…. You just aren’t a singer! Its fine.” 

Or 

“Chloe, just pick an easy song because we don’t want you to have to try too hard... Talent, and singing have always been your Achilles heal.”

WHAT?!?! What does any of that even mean?! No I am not a Whitney Houston, or a Katherine McPhee… but that doesn’t mean that I cant sing!

I kept letting these lies that I heard consistently eat away at me… I let them become real. I became more self conscious… I didn’t believe in myself any more. I couldn’t imagine why I would keep trying to sing if so many people disliked my voice… or thought I couldn’t sing.

This had ruined me. It had taken away the joy I got when I would get on sage to sing… I became nervous, and uncomfortable… I would open my mouth to sing and my voice would shake and tremor with the fear that I wasn’t good enough.

For the past 4 weeks I have felt this more now than ever. After receiving 2^nd place at the Miss Florida pageant… I still had people telling me I wasn’t good enough. People telling me I needed to change my talent… or figure out something easier to do.

First of all…. How dare I let them get inside my heart, and my head.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” –Eleanor Roosevelt.

This weekend I visited some family in Georgia for a family reunion… so naturally… if I am anywhere in Georgia… on a weekend…. I am going to try the hardest I can to go to church! Ever since High School I have considered Louie Giglio my pastor. I have heard him speak many times, and I just feel like I know his family… even though I don’t! lol. Anyways, he is the pastor at Passion City Church! I always feel welcome at this place… its SO crazy, how the environment that they create makes everyone feel at home!

So it was my Mom, my brother, my Grandfather, and myself! I had this plan in the back of my head to take them all to Passion City with me so they could experience the way that I love to connect with God! Well… a few times on Friday and Saturday my grandfather had said he wanted to go to “Catholic church, because It is the best around here!”

In my heart… I knew I had to make it to Passion… some how… some way… even if it was just on my own.

God works is crazy ways… and some how he got all 4 of us to the 12:30 service at Passion City…. WOOHOOOOOOO!

The new message series Louie was speaking on is called “Goliath Must Fall."

Yeah, I know... you just remembered the story of David and Goliath, didn’t you?... well the jist of the message was that we all have a Giant in our lives… and some how after a while, we accommodate this giant.

(The main points in the message)

1) We are not David…. Jesus is, and he has defeated this giant for you!

2) David’s motivation was the fame of God.

3) Your giant is already dead!

That giant in your life may still be talking to you, and breaking you down… but it is VERY much dead!

We have the power of the name of Jesus! We don’t use it enough…

The lack of confidence in my voice is my giant. I have let it over take me, and my ability to lead. I have realized when I let this control me… it just diminishes Gods glory in my life. It taunts God and terrorizes me. It diminishes God and demoralizes me.

I will not let this hold me back from my destiny. And even more than that… I wont let this take the fame and Glory away from my Jesus.

The only way we can over come our giants… is to first believe in the power of the name of Jesus. Then start talking God talk, and start talking to our giant. Telling your giant, "My God is the God who spoke the universe into creation, he has already conquered you…. and I don't have to listen to you, you are dead!"

Kristian Stanfill and Christy Nockles … Two of my role models… lead worship at Passion City… Perfect timing. Seeing them on stage, feeling the worship that was going on around me, and finally letting my guard down helped me to remember… that I know I am called to lead people. I crave to make music that will point to Jesus and provide people with a worship experience that they need to grow closer to our creator.

The fire that I had once lost was now all the sudden back.

I know it will not be easy… but I know with the power of my God who has already defeated death, and called me to victory… I know I will over come!

He does not call the equipped…. He equips the called.

My Amazing family!

Little Berkeley! <3

Passion City!

Beckham and Berkeley!

You aint seen nothin yet

You haven't seen anything yet…

My vision is limited, Gods is vast.
My dream is small, Gods is limitless.

I watched a message this morning, and I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with emotion.

The past two weeks for me have been an emotional roller coaster. I have cried, I have laughed, and I have sat confused and just thought about my future… So hopefully it won't come as a shock to you when I explain exactly why I was so moved by this message.

"What you have in mind is too small. Your plans and your goals are part of your destiny but the plans God has for you are larger than you can imagine… the amount of people that you are going to impact will boggle your mind."

"God is a progressive God. He has designed you to go further than previous generations."
"He will bring out talents that you didn't know you had, He will get you where you need to be to fulfill your destiny."

God says "Ive got something bigger for you."
His thoughts are higher than our thoughts.

"Go where you've never been, Whatever you're dreaming about, God is going to supersize that dream. There is about to be a down pour of favor… Get ready for explosive blessings."

I definitely needed to hear this. I think we all need the reminder every once in a while that, no matter your dreams, no matter where you are currently… God has even bigger plans.

I haven't even seen 1/2 of what God can do! I know he will do more!

Take the limits off of God.
God sees what you can not see.


I wanted to clear a few things up from a contestants point of view…


A few days ago I received a call saying that there was a mix up in the judging at Miss Florida this past weekend. I think I was just as shocked as the other two women involved in the tabulation error. I felt sick for both of these ladies. I am very close to both Elisabeth Fechtel, and to Tori Cowen. Liz is practically a sister, she has been the sweetest, and a very supportive friend.
My heart goes out for Liz. But she is a strong woman full of grace, and she has God all over her! I know that this is a tough time, but I have no doubt that she will be back more beautiful and stronger than ever.
I grew up with Tori, our dads went to school together, and she truly has been a little sister my entire life. Tori has worked her entire life for the opportunity to compete at Miss America. I know she will be stunning on that stage in September! I am SO proud of her, and I know God has amazing plans for that beauty!

It is unfortunate that this happened, but I am honored to be a part of an organization that maintains their integrity and honesty… even when it is not easy.

There are quite a few rumors swirling around, please take the rumors and what the media has said with a grain of salt… and join me as we lift up both of these young women along with the Miss America Organization.
We are human, and people do make mistakes... but we can not allow those mistakes to define the situation.

"And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail." Isaiah 58:11


http://elizabethfechtel.wordpress.com


https://www.facebook.com/MissFloridaPageant

Say My Name

"If you're breathing God has a purpose for you. As long as you have breath, somebody needs what you have. Your gifts, your talent, your love, your smile."

With the Beautiful Anika!

          Last Saturday I checked in to Miss Florida. Throughout the rest of the week 50 of Florida's most intelligent, beautiful, talent young women were sequestered away in St petersburg. We spent time in rehearsals, interviews, and onstage trying to prove to 5 people that we were each the perfect representative for the State of Florida at the Miss America Pageant. At the end of each day we faced the scary realization that only one of us would win. Only one of us would become the next Miss Florida.

With the beautiful Myrrhanda Jones

Through out pageant week, some girls break… some can't withstand the grueling hours of rehearsal or the pressure of living with 50 amazing women. I have heard that the girl who wins Miss America is the one who is still smiling and loving the experience at the end of the week… every complaint, every tear, every doubt works against us through out this process… Not only do we have to survive… but we have to help each other. We help with hair and make up, we help with the mental break downs and blocks as well. We all become a backstage pageant coach during the week.
I can tell you that some of my VERY best friends have been made through pageant week. We are there for each other no matter what!
This is one of my most favorite parts of the Miss America Organization! The Sisterhood and bond that is formed!

The lovely Katey Dauble

Miss Tampa sisters with the director, Bob Clark

The ever So sweet Leila Sabet!

My sister queens, and friends for life, Kristilee and Kalen

People think of pageants as a hobby, something that looks a whole lot like Honey Boo Boo's life. They think we have a hair stylist and make up artist to help us at the pageant… they think we just hop on stage and do whatever we come up with and cross out fingers that we win. HA! No way.
My life is the furthest from this. I have spent the past 7 years perfecting my Interview, Speaking skills, Living a healthy life style, voice lessons each week… I have had to deal with the haters… and the fans. I have seen the highs of winning, and the lows of losing.

I have always said, you have to be a good loser and a good winner...

Over the past few days I have had some time to reflect, and think about my experience at Miss Florida. I walked into this year much different than I ever have. I thought to myself, "I will fight for this. I want this more than anyone will ever be able to understand." I woke up each day saying that I would win every single day, even if we were only in rehearsal for that day! I wanted to be the best me I could be. I knew I had to claim beauty over my ashes. I put everything I had worked for, every hour , all of the blood, sweat, and tears in Gods hands. Because I know His plan is much greater than mine will ever be.

Once it came down to finals night I was on cloud nine! I knew it was going to be a great day!
I was the last one to be called into the top five. Usually all that is going through my head at this point is "SAY MY NAME, SAY MY NAME, SAY MY NAME…." But this year… all I could tell my self was… "No fear, no doubt. I am the head and not the tail in Jesus name. My dreams are coming to pass. I believe God has great things in store for my life!"
and BOOM They said my name. I know you are reading this saying "well if thats how you see it… then God really let you down!"
No… my point in telling you this is the fact that, God came through for me. 
(Like he always does.)

I am reading a book by Sarah Young, called "Jesus Today." and one of my favorite pages says this…
"I am Calling you to live in joyful dependence on Me. Many people view dependence as a despicable condition, so they strive to be as self-sufficient as possible. This is not my way for you! I designed you to need me continually- and to delight in that neediness."
"When your energy is running low, connect with me- Your Strength. Sometimes I pour abundant energy into you as you spend time in my presence. At other times I energize you only bit by bit, giving you just enough strength to keep slowly moving forward. Although the abundant provision is more dramatic and satisfying, do not be discouraged when I choose to give you strength sufficient only for the moment. This may be my way of keeping you ever so close to me on your life-path, leaning on Me."

When you get to the end of your rope… when you no longer know what to do with your life… That is when God starts working. God has given me enough strength to keep moving forward, but just enough to keep me close to him! I can truly say, I love this, and I needed this. I wouldn't have changed that moment in time for anything in the world! I had to trust in God with every ounce of my being. Until you do that yourself, I can not explain the feeling.
I am just thankful for everything that came to me this past week.
I have been told, that is the aloha spirit in me.

…On that note,

I would like to thank The Miss Florida Scholarship Pageant for an experience of a life time, and to Mary Sullivan for your unwavering support and love for each one of the women who come through The Miss Florida organization. Thank you to EVERYONE who came to support me, and for all of the kind words and prayers!!! 

I was in awe when I saw a picture of everyone who came to support me! The sweet words, and kind notes that I received were more helpful than I can explain!

Although I did not walk away this year with the crown, I have learned that this organization is SO much more than beautiful Gowns, and sparkly crowns… It is a sisterhood, a job, a networking experience, a door opener, a life changer, a dream giver, and a scholarship provider. 

This year, I finished 2nd runner up to Miss Florida, I won Preliminary Interview, Preliminary Evening Wear, Preliminary Swimsuit, and Over All Evening Wear. Totaling up my Scholarship winnings this year to, $7,200. I am SO very excited for our new Miss Florida, my dear friend, Elizabeth Fechtel! She will be a wonderful representative for our state! I have one more year to achieve my dream of becoming Miss America. There is no time to waste. Time to start perfecting for next year! Here we go! One last time!

Top 5

A Magical Weekend in Savannah

Hey friends!

I just got back from the magical wedding of Jaclyn & Jarod Dicks, in Savannah! How did I have the honor of being a part of such an amazing weekend? Well Im glad you asked ;)

I met Jaclyn Raulerson almost 7 years ago. My cousin introduced us by saying "You both are such sweet people, I know you guys will love each other!" from that moment, I knew I was gaining a life long friend! A few years down the road we ended up competing against each other for the title of Miss Florida! In 2010 She won the title, and was off to Miss America!
One night, I remember her telling me about this guy from her hometown that she just reconnected with… I remember her saying "He's amazing, Chloe. He seriously could be the one!"
The next thing I know, I am being invited to be a bridesmaid at their wedding!

I absolutely love the Raulerson, and Dicks families. They are phenomenal people, I could not be more honored and more excited to be a part of their big day!

Kristin Glakas Ingram, Jaclyn Raulerson Dicks (The Lovely Bride), Jennifer Mckenna, and myself! At the rehearsal!

The Beautiful Bridesmaids!

The most beautiful bride ever!

With Melaina Shipwash Bjorklund! Such a beautiful lady, inside and out!

Brittany Decker! I can't begin to explain my love for this girl!

The Stunning Bride!

The wedding was so beautiful! I do have to make a side note though… At the top of this post, I explained that Jackie went to Miss America in 2010! Almost all of her bridesmaids were Miss America Sisters! That is exactly why they are all amazing women, and did I mention stunning?!

I followed Jackies year as Miss Florida, but I also followed these women the entire year they represented their states. I look up to each of them. I pray that one day I will have the opportunity to influence my community and state the same way they have!

I jokingly told Jackie that I might "fan girl" when I meet all of her amazing bridesmaids… Well, I kept it together… But I most certainly wanted to just sit, listen, and take in every word that they said!

Even though I was not a part of their Miss America Class, they welcomed me into their group without question!

Who are they?:

(Reference the pic below, from Left to right:)

Katie Dowden, a stunning sorority sister of Jackies! She is currently conquering the world, and being the life of the party!

Myself…. You know who I am ;)

Jennifer McKenna, My mentor. She is a former Miss Virginia America, and Miss Virginia USA. She is expecting her 4th child, but 1st little boy of the McKenna Clan! She is also Part owner of McKennaWalsh!

Melaina Shipwash Bjorklund, Miss Colorado 2010! She currently is a Zumba Fitness Instructor, and works with Penrose-St. Francis Health Services in CO!

Ashley Melnick Yarborough, Miss Texas 2010! She is currently the community Relations coordinator at Raven + Lily (also my newest obsession!)

Brittany Decker, Miss Connecticut 2010! She is currently a reporter at ABC40 in CT!

Kayla Martell, Miss Delaware 2010! She is currently a spokesperson for Gemtress.

Lindsay Staniszewski, Miss Maryland 2010! She currently is working for Under Armour.

Also! (How could I forget!) An extra special Thank you to Chris Martin for making all of us look BEAUTIFUL! People, Seriously… The hair styling was amazing! If you don't believe it, take a look!

Now do you understand why I was starstruck? ;) On a serious note, without having to open their mouths, these women speak volumes to what the Miss America Organization is all about!

Meeting these ladies, and getting to know them, makes me even more proud to be a part of such an amazing organization!

I am inspired, and motivated. Ready to take on the Job of Miss Florida, and hopefully Miss America!

I leave 17 days! Send all those positive vibes, and prayers my way!

In honor of a beautiful soul, Maya Angelou, who passed away today:

Till Next Time,

XO