Well, this happened to me today. I woke up, and went to devotion today... and something was said to the effect of..."Are you okay? because the girls that we encounter might not be receptive to you... You are everything that they will never be." Honest and true, I am not THAT girl. And I don't want to be THAT girl! I don't want people to see my exterior and think that I have a different attitude.... it stays true to the saying, don't judge a book by its cover. I want my inner beauty to shine brighter than my outer beauty ever will.
This may have sounded like a backwards compliment, but the only reason that this truly effected me, is because I had been praying that God would break down all the walls and barriers that would keep us from truly making connections to the girls in the orphanage we were preparing to meet today. Praying that a little blonde haired blue eyed American girl could get on their level, feel their pain and be a shoulder to lean on, and share the word, and love of Jesus.
So right off the batt Satan was trying to slap me around.
I got on the bus, and truly felt like crying... I let a few little sentences get to my heart real quick. For some reason I felt like I needed to share with someone, so I looked over at Carmen with tears in my eyes and told her. With out the blink of an eye she said "Don't you dare let that get to you, that is satan trying to get you to end your last experience on this trip, on a sour note. He is trying to steal your joy. Don't let that happen!" These few words, made a world of difference, and I started praying for strength, and wisdom!
We finally got to the Girls orphanage, keep in mind... we were told that this group of girls had gone through horrendous things, and they were the worst of the worst. We pulled up to the metal gate, and got out. As we waited in front of the gate, waiting for it to be opened... something else was said, to the effect of.... "Oh you better be careful! These girls are going to try to beat you up, just because you are so beautiful! They are going to be jealous..." and I thought to myself "seriously?!?! are you kidding me." Not cool. So I said, no! I can do this! Im not going to let satan steal my last chance to love on these people! So I started praying. As the tears ran down my face I tried to just suck it up but it wasn't working. Our group started walking in, and right when I took my first step into the court yard past the gate, I had that huge weight lifted... I wasn't crying anymore, and I knew God had wrapped his arms around me to reassure me that it would be okay!
As I walked into the prison like facility the only odor I could smell was feces. It immediately brought back memories of Tuesday. As I walked in I was greeted with hugs!.... Wait... what?... Yeah you read that right... HUGS!!!!
I was ready for these girls to not even want us to be there... I was ready for them to hate me! But I knew God would show up somehow! and In God showing up, I mean he went there to pre-set, and we followed. God was there moments before us to soften their hearts and comfort them! In shock, I started walking around meeting the girls, some giving me compliments and others snickering at me. But thankfully it didn't even phase me!
We listened to some music by MikesChair, then split up into our groups! my group had about 15 girls. One little girl Estephany was the social butterfly, but she still came back to sit with me. I drew her name on a book mark and gave it to her, she sat and talked as I painted her nails pink, then her toe nails purple! He told me she loved me multiple times, and she asked if I was coming back tomorrow. I didn't want to say no. So I told her I wish I could, but I cant... =/ She understood, and continued on.
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| Estephany! |
Then there was another girl that I connected with, her name is Fanny. She was beautiful, 16 years old and an amazing artist! She drew me a picture that said Princesa on it, and T.K.M. Te quiero mucho, and she spelt my name as : Clowy, amazingly they still haven't heard my name down here in Honduras.
I got to hang on to a few of the girls babies, and spread the love.
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| Fanny, the beautiful artist! |
We finished everything, and we were going back into the large gathering room to finish with music! I had a few extra supplies, so I took them to the bus, and as I walked back in, another little girl came up to me, her name was also Fanny. She looked me dead in the eyes and asked, "so when are We leaving?" Implying that she wanted me to get her out of here! I said we are going to just listen to some music for now, she grabbed my hard, and wouldn't let go. She hugged me and told me she loved me. She continued to tell me in spanish how hard it is to stay there, and she wants to escape. I held her tight and prayed that she would change her mind, I didn't want her to get hurt... even thought the living conditions were terrible, and the girls were not nice to each other, i told her I will never forget her, and I will pray for her when I get home! Another trip member, Audrey, saw me rocking with her while we waited for the last few songs, She came up to me and gave me a little brush and hair ties to give to this little girl! I gave it to Fanny and she was so incredibly thankful! The last song the boys played was Mighty to Save... It was one of the most beautiful things... I have ever heard! Fanny and I sang together, then it was time to go. She hugged me and held on tight. She said she wanted to escape this prison, and run away multiple times. Begging me to get her out, my heart cried out for her. I told her, "listen, even thought I have to leave, That doesn't mean God isn't here. God IS here! and he loves you dearly! God will never leave you, he will always be here in your heart!" She gave me a fake smile.... and once more I said "Seriously, There will be good and bad in life, but you have to choose. God is here, he loves you, and I love you! Never lose faith! This may not be fun now, but it will be one day!" I had to leave as quickly as I could, I couldn't hold it together... I had to let the tears out.
Girls at this age... are my thing. I always remember when I was around 13 and prayed for a mentor that was a little older than me, and I never got one... and so I strive to be that person in the lives of all of the girls that I know. A.K.A. my heart was left at this one orphanage. I wanted them to learn more, I wanted to love more, and I wanted them to be happy.
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| Fanny, Still praying that she finds some joy in her everyday! |
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| Ive never hugged anyone this close, and wanted to take their pain away so badly..... |
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| Nicole! An Adorable, very happy little girl! |
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| Astrid! Lovin her new shoes! |
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| The worlds heaviest baby... Im not kidding... It was my workout for the day! |
It was a hard day, but after the tears, followed smiles and laughter and fellowship. Praying for every single one of those girls right now. I hope, that maybe because you are able to see a face in these pictures, that you will choose one and pray for them, because I sure know... that if I were in their position I would want you to do the same for me!
Broken and poured out I come to you lord.
XOXO
Chloe
p.s. I hope all of that made sense, I am SO tired, it is 12:45 over here and 2:45 at home... I just knew if I didn't get exactly how i felt today out... then it wouldn't be the same tomorrow! Grace please! =)
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